Nepal defends itself

Well, more articles have come out since I last posted. They mostly claim that Nepal holds to the fact that they are doing everything  in their power to do adoptions “right”. They were closed to international adoptions for a year and a half just to make things better, so if I were them I would get slightly defensive as well. It was good to see this news.

I really don’t know where that leaves us, other than in the same place. At this point in time, nothing is happening, although there is so much talk now it makes me think that something WILL happen soon.

So, I guess all we can do is “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. . .”

ouch?

So confusing…

Not sure what all this means for us….

Read the 2 articles on top and then other information on the bottom…

Experts urge Nepal to ban international adoptions

KATHMANDU — Legal experts have called for international adoption of Nepalese children to be suspended after an investigation uncovered widespread abuse of the system.
A team of adoption law experts who visited Nepal in November found documents were routinely falsified and children’s homes were largely unregulated, with the interests of the child often not considered at all.
In a draft report seen by AFP on Thursday, they urged authorities in Nepal to suspend international adoptions so that new legislation to prevent such abuses could be put in place.
“A new law for inter-country adoption is needed. It should be integrated with a comprehensive law on child protection measures and national solutions for children without parental care,” said the report, from intergovernmental organisation The Hague Conference on Private International Law.
“To undertake the necessary reform of the inter-country adoption system, a temporary suspension of adoptions will be necessary.”
Nepal first suspended international adoption in 2007 after reports that foreigners were paying up to $20,000 to adopt children, most of whom were not genuine orphans.
Child welfare campaigners say some were effectively trafficked out of the country by unscrupulous orphanages that falsified documents and lied to parents about where their children were being taken.
The government introduced new rules in 2008 and international adoptions restarted last year, but campaigners say abuses of the system continue.
“There are many stories of parents from remote locations in Nepal who still do not understand what happened to their child,” said Joseph Aguettant of child rights group Terre Des Hommes.
“They thought they were sending their children to be educated, but they have ended up being adopted and taken abroad.”
Terre des Hommes has repeatedly called for Nepal to review the new terms introduced in 2008, and Aguettant said international adoptions should now be suspended “until a proper legal framework is in place.”

and…

Nepal ’should suspend’ adoptions

The adoption of children from Nepal should be suspended, the international body that governs adoption between countries has recommended.
An investigation found children from remote areas were falsely declared to be orphans and put up for adoption without their parents’ knowledge.
A draft report by The Hague Conference on Private International Law urges Nepal to take steps to prevent abuses.
Nepal temporarily suspended international adoptions in 2007.
It introduced new rules in 2008 and international adoptions were resumed.
Documents faked
But the report from the Hague Conference says that abuses are still rife. Its investigation found that documents which declared children as orphans were often faked.
FROM BBC WORLD SERVICE
Children who were put up for overseas adoption had been taken from their families to care homes in the capital, Kathmandu, under the pretext of receiving education.
The probe found evidence of “false statements” about the child’s origin, age and status; lack of transparency and accountability for the money coming into Nepal from international adoptions; and an absence of a policy on such adoptions.
It said Nepal had failed to prevent the abduction, sale and traffic of children and recommended the government suspend international adoptions to allow new laws and procedures to be implemented.
The report follows a probe by Unicef, and other NGOs. The Swiss-funded charity, Terre des hommes, said it found that more than 60% of children in orphanages had parents who could take care of them.
“The Hague report makes a very strong finding which is that there is evidence of abuse in terms of paperwork. Paperwork is created to declare the child an orphan whereas the child… could be supported in the family,” Terre des hommes Nepal country director, Joseph Aguettant, told the BBC’s Joanna Jolly in Kathmandu.
Unicef and Terre des hommes have previously reported that it is common for Nepalese children to be abducted, trafficked and, in effect, sold.
Nepal’s adopted children mainly go to Spain, France, Germany, Italy and the US.
Our correspondent says that the report has been welcomed by those working in child protection in Nepal who say the proper safeguards need to be in place before children are offered for international adoption.

BUT-

We also got information today that made it sound as if they really ARE going to have all 2009 dossiers procesed by March/April, and they are going to start taking dossiers for 2010 in April-July, meaning they have to have 2009 done at that time.

How do those 2 pieces of information come out at the same time?

Self-reflection: Wednesday, February 3rd

I am,

a mother, a wife, a daughter and a friend.

I am a teacher, a diversity facilitator, and a student.

I need to be better at all of those things.

I think more about this blog than my dissertation

(although soon that will have to change…)

I am tired, I am happy, I am blessed.

I am frustrated, I am mad, I am excited.

I am obsessed with my child(ren), and the rest of my beloved family,

as well as every piece of information that comes out of the country of Nepal.

I think too much about others, and way too much about myself.

I wish I could be more, do more, love more, have more,

and want less.

I know, and have seen too much of this world.

The pain, the poverty, the sadness,

and I sometimes forget about all the beauty this earth (and its people) possess.

I ponder, I pray, and I love.

I am.

The trials of a two-year-old (and his momma)

2 years old.

There are so many stereotypes of 2-year-olds. “Terrible two’s”, too much energy, can’t communicate perfectly, but wants independence… etc. etc. All true, but there is one thing missing- the fact that they also seem to have an endless supply of love.

River, lately is showing all signs of being in the midst of “2-years”. A few weeks ago, I decided (stupidly) that I would let River “pick” his dinner. Well, actually, I have done this a lot. So anyway, he got in the habit. For many nights now, he wants to “pick” his dinner, even when his dinner is right in front of him. Hmmmmm. Not going to do this anymore. It’s eat or starve kid. Said with love, of course.

Another story I have is from the other day. After dinner up at St. Olaf, River and I went to the potty (well, I went to the potty since River seems to not care when he has poop or pee in his pants), so ANYway, I told him he had to walk to the door or there was no Dora when we got home. At that point, he proceeded to throw himself on the floor and tell me I HAD to carry him (“I carry you momma!”) and we were going to to watch tv when we got home. After a little of that, I picked him up and carried him to the door. Then, the moment we got there, he tried to push me away and say that he could walk. At that point I said: “too late”.

Well, the ride home wasn’t so great as you can imagine.

Then, as we arrived home in a bad mood, River decided that he needed to have a piece of candy. So, being the mean mom that I am, told him that he had to put his jacket away and then I might get it for him.

So since we were in an evening of power trials, he decided to put the jacket 2 INCHES away from the basket that it’s supposed to go in. Then he said, “momma do it”. As I got up to put it away he was screaming for candy. (What a surprise). Then, when I walked away, he ran up the the basket with his jacket inside, took it out, looked straight into my eyes, and put it right, back, in.

He then ended that moment with anger and tears in his eyes by saying, “I did it momma, I did it.”

I had to quickly get out of his view at that point to laugh hysterically at my independent little boy.

(and no, he didn’t get the candy, for those of you wondering).

So. even with these stories I have shared, I have to say that every day I pick him up from daycare he runs (literally, runs) into my arms. He gives me kisses almost anytime I ask, sings with me (mostly twinkle twinkle), tells me everyday that he eats dinosaur fruit snacks at daycare (hope not) and best of all he says, “I wuv you momma”.

I’ll take these “terrible two’s” any day.

A reminder…

Sometimes I get caught up in my thoughts of having a new baby. I think how fun it will be to go out and buy baby girl clothes, watch princess movies together (without getting in trouble, as I sometimes do with River) and generally just having fun with the amazing new person in my life. I sometimes forget WHY I am going through all of this waiting, blog watching, and praying for a country half a world away. (Although I think I would do that anyway because I am who I am, but anyway…)

I was reminded today as I happened across a family’s blog who had just recently adopted a daughter from the country of Rwanda. It reminded me that there are an estimated 147 million orphans in this world. 147 million children that have so much to offer, yet are left behind because of their circumstances. That is why we are adopting, because although we can’t necessarily save the world, we can give one child a world of opportunity that they may not have had before.

Below is the link to the blog, and also the words that struck my heart.

The Smith’s adoption journey

From my eyes

I said while in Africa that I would talk about the things that I saw while visiting the orphanage in Rwanda. I think that now is the time and I will try my best to articulate what I saw. There were so many emotions flowing through my body during these visits. This will be difficult to write as well as difficult for some to read. I want to say that the orphanage nannies as well as the sisters do the best job they can with the resources they are given. With God’s help, these children are surviving as they wait for the families to come and get them.

Picture walking down a set of concrete steps. You hear children talking, crying, playing. You are at a metal door. You knock and wait for it to be opened for you. Your heart is racing not knowing what waits beyond this wall.

A young Rwandan nanny opens the door for you. You are in a dark hallway. There is no evident electricity in the form of lighting. There is a particular smell. You try to think about what it is. The walls are made of concrete block. The floors are a bare concrete gray. You continue walking. There are turquoise blue doors along the hall. These doors lead into rooms that you quickly realize are the children’s rooms. There are different age groups in each room. There is crying coming from the infant room. You want to go in there but you aren’t allowed because your child is older than that. You then turn to an open door and go in.

You walk into a dark room. You see metal cribs from one end to the next and all the way across. You do a quick count and realize that there are 45 beds in this one room. This is your child’s room. You then think, wow, 45 babies who don’t have families. You look around. The floor is bare concrete, the walls are concrete block. There is not much on the walls. There is not much light. There is not much in the beds. You look at a bed, which is actually a metal crib. There is a mattress covered with a sheet. There is no blanket, no lovey for a child to cling too. The room is empty. The children are either eating or playing on the concrete patio.

You then walk to another room. You see the same type of things: concrete floors, metal cribs, bare walls. There is a table setup and you see over a dozen children sitting and eating their meal for the day. These children are ages 1-2 years old. They are feeding themselves their food. The food has an overwhelming smell. It is a light brown color and resembles a mush type of food. You are then told that the foods that the children eat are all blended together then cooked. It is hard to tell what has even gone into the food.

You look over to the right and you see some children in beds. These children are obviously mental or physically disabled. There is one child sitting in their crib with their legs sticking out of the rails. You see a pool of spit-up on the concrete. The child has spit-up all down the front of their clothes. A nanny is feeding another child who seems to also be disabled.

As you continue walking, the smell that fills your nostrils is overwhelming. It is a smell of urine, spit-up, food.

You then go outside. You see a great number of children sitting at a table. They all yell for you as you walk out. You wave. Your heart breaks thinking that most of these children will never have a family to call their own.

You are told that there are over 150 children in this orphanage. There are over 150 souls waiting for a family. You are told that this orphanage only goes to age 6. Once a child reaches 6 years of age, they are moved to a different orphanage. You can’t even imagine what that orphanage must be like.

Your child is brought to you. She clings to you with obvious fear that you will leave her again. She smells like the smell that penetrated your nostrils. Her clothes are too small, her shoes too big. You hold her so closely and wonder why her, why us? You know that God is in control and that He has a plan. But it is hard for you grasp why this many souls are left abandoned, without families.

You leave the orphanage. You pray. You cry. You wonder again why.

True? Or not true? THAT is the question.

Boy…
This past week the blogging world is filled with information on Nepalese adoptions. Unfortunatly, we have heard it all before and are very skeptical. But at this point we’ll take all the positives we can get.
Here is what I have heard this week so far. (and yes, it’s only tuesday…)
1. Nepal is not taking any dossiers for adoption yet in this new year. Last year they awarded each agency that was approved only 10 slots for 2009. With only 20 or so total dossiers complete at this point, holding out till maybe 100 or so are done seems like a wise choice.
2. The new people who work in the government and deal with adoptions are up and running. Although I see no evidence of this, I like to believe that they are working hard on the backlog of paperwork that must be slightly overwhelming.
3. Two months, three months, and other timetables along that line are what some agency’s are feeding their PAP’s when it comes to when all (yes, ALL) referrals for 2009 will be completed. That could mean we would have a referral for our baby girl in March/April. (My aunt Debbie predicted this, and honestly right now that is the only reason that I have any faith that it could be true). I am keeping my hopes up, but not TOO far up.
4. The people who got referrals in September will get their travel approvals in 2-4 weeks. I hope this one, more than anything else, comes true. I can not imagine being one of those families who are just waiting for the approval to pick up their child. How difficult would it be to know that your son/daughter is alive and waiting for you in an orphanage? So for all of you dear souls out there waiting for travel approval, I’m sending positive thoughts your way, and hoping this one goes even quicker than expected.
So, in the last few days that is a small summary of what I have been hearing. I hope it is true, but am also realistic in the fact that things don’t always go as expected.
But, baby girl, we are here waiting for you, and loving you, and looking forward to your referral soon in the days ahead.

A pirate’s life for me…

So, we had a wonderful time down in the beautiful British Virgin Islands for the week after Christmas. As you can see, River seemed to enjoy his first sailing trip (outside of momma’s belly), which made the entire family very happy.

It was an exciting time with 2 new crew members, Beth and River. I think both had a good time, and it was sure fun having them aboard. Our boat that we rented was named, “Sahib” and was a 40 foot catamaran. It was an okay boat with a couple of flaws, but nothing we hearty sailors couldn’t fix. We left Colorado the day after Christmas and flew home to (COLD) Minnesota the day before school was to start again, Sunday January 3rd. It was great spending a whole week on the boat, and almost every night we were in a different location. The sailing was weak most of the time (slow winds) and we had a crazy day with winds going one way and the seas going another. I will explain that below…

Almost every time we go down to the VI’s, my mom makes shirts with all of our names on them. So, of course, we all had to get a family picture with our matching shirts.

So, ya, this was much of our vacation. Most of the time we spend a lot of time on the sailboat trying to make the most of our time sailing to our hearts content. But, with a toddler on board, we decided to not do the crazy sailing thing and instead find time on the beach. There was no complaining on my end, that’s for sure.

One of River’s favorite spots on the boat was the “trampoline” on the front of our cat. Obviously when we were under sail he was in the cockpit with a life jacket on, but when we were moared or tied to a dock, he would take us up to the front and jump around. It is not necessarily bouncy, but had just enough slack and bounce to keep a 2-year-old very happy. There were many nights where we would sit around the trampoline and our hearts would jump when River got too close to the edge. Dark water+2-year-old+drinks= not a good outcome. Luckily Kyle doesn’t drink and we were all cautious enough to keep him away from the end of the boat.

So, yes, there are always a few stressful moments while in control of a 40 foot sailboat that is not yours to keep. The one day that I mentioned earlier was the day we were heading to the Bitter end in Virgin Gorda. This is a fabulous place, and one of my absolute favorites. So like I said the day in question wasn’t so bad except our dinghy (the small motor boat that is attached to the sail boat) was not put on well. I have to say that this was not our fault, because of the way it was attached was not our doing. So with the high winds/rain/seas the rope (that was way too thin anyway) snapped and the bottom half fell into the water. This was quickly saved since the front half was still attached to the boat, but there were some stressful moments when numerous people had life jackets on (which normally does not happen for the adult crew) and I was at the helm trying to make sure the we going into the wind and the seas were not rocking us too bad. So, with all of this happening, my dear child figured out (before the drama) that he didn’t have to have his life jacket on if he slept in his berth while we were under sail. So as the seas started rockin he stayed down there. I was mighty impressed until the inevitable moment when all the cheesy puffy thingies (aka: Cheetos) he ate earlier ended up all over the bed. Yuck. We soon got into a calm bay,  stomachs settled,  dinghy back in place, but a smelly berth. Oh well, he doesn’t care too much, he’s only 2, right?

One of River’s favorite things on the beach was making clam soup with Grammy. The funny thing was that River actually ate it sometimes because he liked the taste of the salt water. That’s my boy.

New Year’s at the Bitter End (fitting place, huh?) was a blast. It is a great resort that had an incredible party. As you can see below River loved it so much he didn’t seem to mind falling asleep there.

So the rank on the boat went sorta like this:

My dad is the Captain (he’s done this quite a few times before) and Kyle and I were both his first mates. (I have had that title for a long time now, ever since I started taking sailing classes) and although Kyle was also a first mate, he wanted some time at the helm so we could soon go out and do this by ourselves. (Thinking this summer up in Bayfield WI, anyone interested?) So we also called him “Skipper” at times. We all had our duties and our titles, and we followed them well (most of the time). It is a fun time on a boat, but you honestly need a chain of command, or else bad things can happen. Ask my parents sometime, they have some interesting stories.

So, anyway, that’s all I can think of for now. My parents and brother and sister in law are all still down on Peter Island enjoying a beautiful resort. Ya, I’m a little jealous, but am also so thankful for the awesome time that we had when we were there. I know how lucky I am.

Signing off for now.

~First Mate Erin

A tornado of wrapping paper and toys…

Yup, that’s our Christmas morning…

River, as you can see, had a fabulous time this morning with the Carson side of the family. We had a ridiculous amount of presents to open (mostly because we opened up both the Laughery side and Carson side- since my parents have already left for the trip down south) so Kyle, River and I spent hours extravagantly giving gifts and getting them. The morning started off with River and his presents from santa- nice, calm and wanting to play with each one after it was opened. By the end of the morning, he was ripping into ANYthing that was in front of him, including any other family members unopened present. It was cute, sorta.

The rest of the day we have enjoyed playing with our presents and relaxing a little bit. Lots of phone calls have been made and our Disney Christmas jammies are worn thin. It’s been a good day. Now we are awaiting a hearty Christmas dinner and then the movie “Up” for River, and all of us, to enjoy.

As for the last couple of days, yesterday was a fun one. Mostly I really enjoyed going to Christmas service at 5pm at a local Lutheran church. River spent the majority of the time with Kyle in the playroom (when at the end and we went to get him, he said that he wanted to come back) so although he missed a lot of the service, he still had a good time. We then came back to the house and watched Polar Express (or as River calls it, Pola Espresth) and then we got all tucked in ready for santa to come.

Then, as we woke up this morning, the Carson family got a great Christmas present. We found out that late Christmas Eve night, Corey proposed to Rachel, so I am psyched to have another girl in this family of boys! Yea! We are excited for a wedding in the near future!

As for earlier in the week, we had our annual Christmas dinner with our great friends in Minnesota. It was a wonderful night with our friends and their families with lots of good conversation and the kids had a blast playing with toys, watching Christmas shows and playing with our fab babysitters. The night was highlighted with a visit from santa, and surprisingly, River did quite well. After being santa’s helper with Ethan, River seemed to trust him enough to actually sit on his lap. He wasn’t too sure about the situation, but in the end, I think his fear of santa is pretty much over.

So, all in all these past few days have been one of wonder, fun and tradition. Tomorrow, we head down to the British Virgin Islands with the Laughery side of the family for some good sailing fun. We are curious how River will do living on a boat for a week, but, I guess you’ll never know till ya try.

Happy Holidays everyone. I hope you have had, or are having a wonderful holiday season. I love you all!

~erin

I ache…

Holiday times are full of cheer.

Well, most of the time.

This holiday season has been one of wonder for me and my dear family. Kyle, River and I have been able to travel to California and visit (in my opinion) one of the most magical places on earth. We got to see “It’s a small world” decked out in all of its holiday cheer. We are now lucky to see some wonderful, soft, white snow, and finally, the other night we were able to go get a yummy-smelling Christmas tree . Last night river and I colored it up along with the rest of the house. Although we missed kyle since he was working, we did lots of dancing and singing of holiday songs as we decorated. It was magical.

But, even with such a fun night last night, and special holiday season behind and in front of us, I ache. I ache for my little girl, her eyes, her toes, her voice, her dancing legs. I ache for her hugs and kisses, and need for me to read her just another book. I ache for her love, her smile and her joy. I ache for her.

More immediatly, I ache for news. For just one sliver of information, or just one family to go over and pick up their child in Nepal so I can see that there is some progress. I know these things should take time, I respect that. But I just wish I could hear of one little child becoming a part of their adopted family, and therefore one less orphan in the world. I want to see that in the somewhat near future my daughter will be in my arms, and River will have a little sister to play with. I want to see the two of them take down the ornaments from the christmas tree and spread them all over the house just like he did last night. I want him to show her how to ride his bike and put a napkin in the garbage. I want him to teach her how to say “maybe later” instead of “no”. I want to see my children grow up together.

So, I will now go back to the thankful part. I have one AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, FUN-LOVING, JOYFUL, and SPIRITED little boy. So, although I ache, I also love endlessly, and am thankful for my loving husband and wonderful child who are here in my life right now.

San Fran

What a beautiful city.

River and I had such a great time touring around San Fransisco with my parents, and my mom’s 2 sisters, Debbie and Barbie. In such a short time we were able to see so much, well, at least it felt that way since we must have walked at least 7-8 miles each day that I was there.

River seemed to enjoy everything around him, but his favorite part was the park right across the street from my parents apartment. It was the most incredible park for kids his age. I think if we let him, he would have stayed there all day every day!

As for me I loved checking out the warf (minus 100’s of seals, which I was kind of disappointed about), the saturday morning farmers market (that was the BEST I’ve ever seen), as well as the amazing dinners that were had. Mostly though, I think River and I had fun hanging out with people we don’t see very often. That was the major treat! (Oh, and the chocolate, that was good too!)

So, in this holiday time I am reminded, yet again about how lucky I am. Although we had to hop on a plane Sunday afternoon and fly into 15 degree weather, I know having an opportunity to go and see places like we have been able to see is something that is so beyond special.

And right now, watching the snow come down outside my window, I am thankful for that too.