creating community

Many months ago I went online and typed in “Northfield, MN adoption network”. A few things popped up, but almost all were in the Twin Cities. Since I really had no desire to drive an hour to find a community of adoptive families, I started brainstorming about how something of the sort could be started here in our little town of “cows, colleges, and contentment”. A few weeks later, I decided to call our local newspaper to see if they had any ideas how to start something simple, but necessary for adoptive families in Northfield.

What resulted was this.

Pretty cool. Hopefully I get a few people interested (I have already got a few emails, yea!) so that we can have our first of many get-togethers!

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Saturday March 17, 2012

Northfield woman wants to connect adoptive families

By LAUREN EHLERS

Erin Carson holds her adoptive daughter, Autumn. Carson and her husband, Kyle, adopted Autumn in October 2011 from an agency in Utah. (News photo by Lauren Ehlers)

Adoption was always a part of Erin Carson’s life plans.

After a long and emotional process, Carson and her husband, Kyle, adopted their 1-year-old daughter, Autumn, in October 2011, from Heart to Heart, an agency in Utah. The couple also has a 4-year-old biological son, River, and is seeking to adopt another child internationally.

Now Erin, a 2000 St. Olaf graduate and middle school geography teacher, hopes to start a support group in Northfield for adoptive parents and those seeking to adopt.

Q: Why did your family choose to adopt?
A: I laugh, but I think it started with my obsession with the movie “Annie” as a child. But beyond that, I’ve traveled a lot internationally and seen a lot of poverty. It hurts. I did Global Semester at St. Olaf and have also been to South Africa, China and spent two months in Thailand. The number of orphans tore me apart.

Q: What was the adoption process like for you and Kyle?
A: It was long. We started with international adoption, from Nepal, and were in that process for over three years before it failed. We also began looking at Rwanda, and we’re still in that process after two years and are hoping to adopt another child. Eventually, though, we stopped relying on international agencies and turned to domestic adoption.

Q: How did the domestic adoption process differ?
A: Every state has different laws. We had two failed domestic adoptions from Alabama, where mothers have five days to change their minds after signing the papers. I’ve never had a miscarriage, but I can imagine that what I experienced during that time is something like what one would feel like. We received pictures of the baby and even had a baby shower. When it failed, I was mad at myself for getting so attached, but our friends who have also adopted really rallied around us.

Q: How do you approach the topic of adoption with your biological son, River?
A: It’s a part of our everyday language. We read books about adoption, and I explain to him that Autumn didn’t come out of my belly like he did. I don’t see myself raising my children differently, but I may be more cautious about the things Autumn is going through.

Q: How will you talk about adoption with Autumn as she grows older?
A: My daughter is African-American, so you when you look at her, she’s obviously not ours. I think it will be important to talk about it. Ignoring differences only does a disservice. We’re very open about talking about her birth mom.

Q: How did your family and friends react to your interest in adoption?
A: Everyone was very supportive. My family support system is great, but I do feel the need for a community that really gets it, which is a major reason that I want to start a support group.

Q: How do you see an adoption support group functioning in the Northfield community?
A: We could start easy and casual — just a group that gets together every month or so to have a potluck dinner and talk. Our kids could play together, which would be great for them since they have something so unique in common. We could set up an email group and a Facebook group, too.

Q: Why do you think such a support group is important?
A: I’ve been thinking about this forever. So much comes along with adoption–it can be overwhelming. There are parenting and mother-child groups in Northfield, but nothing specific to adoption. Adoptive parents need a special kind of support, a place where they can really feel understood. I didn’t know where to go when I began the process, but now I’m informed and want to share my knowledge with others in my situation.

— Reach intern Lauren Ehlers at 507-645-1106.

one year

A year ago autumn came into our world.

We gained a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter and a friend.

And after many years, a dream became a reality.

We met autumn’s wonderful birthmom,

and expanded our family in an amazing way.

We went from a family of three to a family of four

and are better for it.

We gained one of the happiest, silliest, flirtiest, and most beautiful little girls

which has made us a happier mommy, daddy and big brother.

One year ago, our lives changed forever…

lil’ miss autumn came and brightened our world.

The Season at Hand

I feel like it’s been awhile since I’ve last written. Like Truly written. In the meantime lots of frustrating, wonderful, emotional events have taken place in my life. Some I will speak to here, and some I won’t. Life right now is good, but complicated. Which I think is true to the season at hand. There is something about winter that makes it just that- good but complicated. The snow outside is beautiful, the cold makes you appreciate the warm indoors, and the complication comes with getting all the coats and hats on before you walk outside, and the difficulty in finding a zillion things to do that are NOT outside. Yep, it’s a good yet difficult time of year.

To begin with the good, this past weekend I spent in Buffalo with much family and friends at my beautiful cousin Katie’s wedding shower. It was such fun to be there with people I love and care so much about. I was able to stay at my Aunt Debbie’s new, and beautiful house and cozy up in bed with cousin Kate where we just stayed up most of the night talking. On the day of the shower I loved seeing her light up with all her family and friends surrounding her. She made out like a bandit too. Can’t forget to mention that.

During the weekend I brought Autumn along with me to enjoy her first ‘all girls’ wedding shower. Although she was sick as a dog the week before, she brought out her smiles while in NY. Although I have to say she did it from afar. She wanted nothing to do with anyone else but me (and sometimes, my cousin Kate).  It was flattering for sure, but completely exhausting. It made me appreciate Kyle more than I normally do.

As for some other goods, I have to put in a little snippet here about how my teaching contract finally got settled. I was getting mighty worried there, but am glad things are done in that neck of the woods. I have some other news on the job front, but that will be a later post.

Next week also marks Autumn’s first birthday. It is amazing to me how far we have come since one year ago today. I can’t wait to see my little girl dig into her cake for the first time. I have a feeling she will love it. I have planned a fun little party for her and some of her friends (and to be honest here, many of mine) which we are all looking forward to. We are doing an ice cream/cupcake theme.  I have a feeling that my waistline is not going to get smaller no matter how much work I do for the party that day.

The “difficult” part of the winter so far has been just surviving. Honestly, it has been the mildest winter I can ever remember since being here in Minnesota, so really, I shouldn’t complain. I am just looking forward to the day where I can be happy sitting outside again. I really do struggle with this land of white- especially after all of the holiday hubbub is over.

As for our Rwandan adoption- that too has been a struggle. We have made the decision to try and sever our ties with the agency we have been working with. It was a yucky decision- but one I think is best. We are working now with an independent POA who has been very helpful. We are happy with our decision, but also a little scared. We still have no idea on any sort of timeline… could be tomorrow or next year. Only time will tell.

Winter (the dog) has also been a wonderful companion, but one that is struggling with potty training. He is getting better, but still has accidents (most notably in his crate at night- ick) so although he makes up for his “mistakes” with some good doggy-love, I still get a little stressed out when I find sh–  in the morning. It’s just not a pleasant way to start off your day.

This time of year has brought other various emotional difficulties, nothing I can’t handle, but still difficult nonetheless. Let’s just say that right now I am looking forward to spring days, walking outside, fresh air and the newness that comes with springy green life.

But, since we are here, in a mild Minnesota winter, I will sit and appreciate the quiet contemplation that comes with the season. So here’s to you, winter, and all that you bring.

Auntie Katie giving some lovin' at her shower...