Holiday times are full of cheer.

Well, most of the time.

This holiday season has been one of wonder for me and my dear family. Kyle, River and I have been able to travel to California and visit (in my opinion) one of the most magical places on earth. We got to see “It’s a small world” decked out in all of its holiday cheer. We are now lucky to see some wonderful, soft, white snow, and finally, the other night we were able to go get a yummy-smelling Christmas tree . Last night river and I colored it up along with the rest of the house. Although we missed kyle since he was working, we did lots of dancing and singing of holiday songs as we decorated. It was magical.

But, even with such a fun night last night, and special holiday season behind and in front of us, I ache. I ache for my little girl, her eyes, her toes, her voice, her dancing legs. I ache for her hugs and kisses, and need for me to read her just another book. I ache for her love, her smile and her joy. I ache for her.

More immediatly, I ache for news. For just one sliver of information, or just one family to go over and pick up their child in Nepal so I can see that there is some progress. I know these things should take time, I respect that. But I just wish I could hear of one little child becoming a part of their adopted family, and therefore one less orphan in the world. I want to see that in the somewhat near future my daughter will be in my arms, and River will have a little sister to play with. I want to see the two of them take down the ornaments from the christmas tree and spread them all over the house just like he did last night. I want him to show her how to ride his bike and put a napkin in the garbage. I want him to teach her how to say “maybe later” instead of “no”. I want to see my children grow up together.

So, I will now go back to the thankful part. I have one AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, FUN-LOVING, JOYFUL, and SPIRITED little boy. So, although I ache, I also love endlessly, and am thankful for my loving husband and wonderful child who are here in my life right now.

What a beautiful city.

River and I had such a great time touring around San Fransisco with my parents, and my mom’s 2 sisters, Debbie and Barbie. In such a short time we were able to see so much, well, at least it felt that way since we must have walked at least 7-8 miles each day that I was there.

River seemed to enjoy everything around him, but his favorite part was the park right across the street from my parents apartment. It was the most incredible park for kids his age. I think if we let him, he would have stayed there all day every day!

As for me I loved checking out the warf (minus 100’s of seals, which I was kind of disappointed about), the saturday morning farmers market (that was the BEST I’ve ever seen), as well as the amazing dinners that were had. Mostly though, I think River and I had fun hanging out with people we don’t see very often. That was the major treat! (Oh, and the chocolate, that was good too!)

So, in this holiday time I am reminded, yet again about how lucky I am. Although we had to hop on a plane Sunday afternoon and fly into 15 degree weather, I know having an opportunity to go and see places like we have been able to see is something that is so beyond special.

And right now, watching the snow come down outside my window, I am thankful for that too.

What a fabulous time we had in Disneyland! River was so enchanted with everything. Here are some highlights:

*When we first arrived in Disneyland, River saw Mickey and Goofy. When we got near them he got really shy…. he was like that all throughout our time there until the last day when we had a character breakfast with chip and dale as well as some others. It was so cute seeing him finally hug the Disney characters!

* On thanksgiving evening River was outside with my parents. When outside, he sang the song twinkle twinkle little star, and when he was done he jumped up and screamed, “I got it!” He caught a twinkle twinkle. What a beautiful imagination.

*River’s favorite ride was Small World. He loved it so much we took him on it 3 times.

*Our first day in Disneyland (Wednesday) we got a private “holiday tour”. It was wonderful because even though it was a crazy busy day we got straight on small world and haunted mansion. Both were beautifully decked out in all its Disney holiday glamor. Plus, after seeing all the fun stuff that Disney had to offer (with our cute tour guide) we got front row seats to the Disneyland holiday parade! River got to personally say hi to Tow White, Santa and all the other characters! Needless to say momma had a lot of fun too!

*We put River in lederhosen (sp?) for Thanksgiving. It was my mom’s idea. It was so cute.

All in all, River was an amazing little Disney boy. Loving everything there was to see. I was so proud of him.

So, tomorrow I actually head back to California (San Fransisco this time) to pick up River. He has been hanging with Grammie and Pap since Sunday, and I am happily going to make sure that he has been having a good time. So, although I am sad that I am going to miss the annual St. Olaf Christmas Festival, I am excited to yet again make it out to somewhere warm.

As for Nepal, we are still waiting. Supposedly the Ministry that deals with adoptions had to make some changes recently, so we don’t really know what is going on, other than on our end, nothing. I am hoping that this next month will show some sort of progress. There are a lot of waiting babies and loving families out there ready to be united. Please send your positive thoughts to Nepal and all the people over there who work with adoptions.

Well, I am so excited that this upcoming week is a short one that ends on a very happy note! On Tuesday we are leaving behind cold Minnesota and traveling to California to join my parents and my brother and sister in law in Disneyland. River has been super excited about seeing Mickey and all of his buddies! Plus it will be nice and warm (not that I have too much to complain about, since it has been pretty nice here lately) but I think we are all looking forward to this fun trip.
As for the adoption, we are also looking at the days ahead since supposedly there are some meetings taking place this week in Nepal that may be big on the adoption front. Many different embassy’s are meeting with a representative that is a part of the Hague convention. (To really understand the Hague, I would suggest you look it up, but if I understand it correctly, it is a sort of international “law” about adoption- it proves that the country is on the up ‘n up in terms of how children are being adopted out. It is a very good thing.) I am sending good thoughts all the way over to Nepal in hopes that things can get accomplished and actively moving. In the meantime, we will have our fun in Disneyland with River’s little sister in our hearts, and quietly wishing that she was there to join us in all the fun.

Below is a picture of the end of a “sleep over” river had last night at our neighbor Mariah’s house. Kyle, I, Paula and Brian went to go see “New Moon” on it’s opening night! Yes, we are all over 30, and we had a great time! Thanks to Morgan and Carol for giving them so many fun things to do!

So, yes, it was bound to happen (not to sound redundant, this is just like the beginning of my last post) but after a crazy hard workout today I looked in the mirror and yes, saw some wonderful, gray, hair. Humph.

I just remember when I was a kid and my mom would give me a dime for every gray hair that I pulled out of her head. I am now in that role, but not quite ready to do the hair pulling out thing… yet. So I wonder what it is that is creating these gray hairs… (okay, other than my 31 years). A 2-year-old who is obsessed with tv? (see below) 13 year olds? (I now have to start teaching again, since my awesome student teacher is leaving next week) or this whole adoption thing? Hmmm… maybe all of it.

So things are going pretty good here. Since River has gotten better, he is still addicted to TV, so Kyle and I think we are going to make him go without- cold turkey. We will see how that goes.

This Sunday we were able to spend a fun pre-thanksgiving thanksgiving with friends. I think we have done this with this group of friends for around 5 years (at least) and it was not a disappointment. I really enjoyed watching the kids table (which lasted for all around 5 minutes). Plus, it was so much fun hanging out with friends eating good food. No wonder I love dinner parties so much.

As for the adoption, Nepal’s politics don’t seem to be getting any better, and absolutely nothing has been happening in terms of adoptions. I have hope that things will pick up, and I am keeping updated on all of the blogs and emails from my yahoo group pages, but I am not keeping my hopes up like I did a month or so ago that this will happen anytime soon. I did take a little action and wrote the US embassy to ask them to let me know what they think is going on, and I received an email back saying most of what I already know, that they country is in turmoil, that they want everything to remain above-board, and finally, something that I didn’t know, that there are going to be some meetings conducted in the near future that will hopefully help move things forward. We will see.

Happy almost thanksgiving friends!

So, it was bound to happen sometime. In a weird way I am happy it happened now, before we are so cooped up inside that we can’t even open up a window to let all the germs out of the house.

So what am I talking about? The flu of course. It has now taken me down (a few weeks ago) and now River. Poor little guy is just so tired, coughing, and fever ridden. When he got bad on Friday, thankfully he was home with Grandma Sandy relaxing and playing, what a blessing it was to have her here for those few days! Since Friday, he has been pretty plastered in front of the TV and is interested in nothing that requires energy. Today, Sunday, he is getting much better. He is still tired, but much more active than he has been these last few days. It’s nice to see him run around again, but I stay very skeptical. We are going to stay home tomorrow and see how he does. I don’t want to spread this to any other unexpecting children and families!

On the adoption front, there has been some supposed communication out there with the government in Nepal- especially those working with adoptions. The news says that things are still moving even with the political disruptions. This is great, but we have not seen or heard any proof of this. On my yahoo group, people are still waiting for travel approvals and referrals. We as a group seem to have been trying to compile numbers as well, and the thought is that there were around 450 files (dossiers) received by the government of Nepal, 150 +/- of them are  referrals- around 75 of those have been sent out and somewhere around 40 are pending signature to then be sent out to families. Out of these 150, 21 (or so) are now with their children. So although I remain reluctant, I DO think things are going to start again soon. I guess I just have to keep my mind and heart in a positive place.

Along with that, this weekend I was able to attend another Diwali festival at St. Olaf. Subhash, (the senior who has started the Sarswati foundation) was the MC and bought me a ticket. I had no idea that it would be such a treat! There was awesome Indian food, along with Bollywood dancing, a fashion show and music. Being there reminded me of all the festivals we will be celebrating with our daughter someday. I can’t wait to teach her all about these festivals that are such a fun part of who she is!

Well, as we take in the little bit of news that we receive everyday, we live our everyday lives just as normal as we can. The Maoist uprisings have begun in Nepal, and thankfully all is peaceful thus far. So, I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied with other fun things at home. Yesterday, celebrating one of my favorite holidays, was a total treat. We met some friends at a close by apple orchard where the kids got to run around and play a little bit in the cold. They had a grand old-time despite the weather, and the parents enjoyed each other’s company while watching the kids play.

After the apple orchard we went to another friends house for some food, drink and finally some trick or treating. After stuffing ourselves with food we went out to go get some more with all of the kiddo’s. All in all we had a snow-white (not me, so I guess that’s 2 snow whites!) dopey (river) a dinosaur, and a witch. It was so much fun. We trick or treated in our neighborhood (since our friends, Paula and Brian only live a couple of doors down) and it was great. We were out for at least an hour, and then came back and hung out for quite a while longer. We figured that since it was daylight savings time we could try to keep the kids up as long as possible, and come around 10:30-11, the kids were outlasting the parents. So we brought our tired selves home and crashed. It was a wonderful, exciting Halloween with our adorable, dopey 2-year-old!

We chose this.

It has always been our dream to adopt. Adopting, thankfully, was our choice. Our agency, Crossroads was one of many agencies out there. That, was another choice. Beginning our adoption process when River was 1, in the summer of 2008, that was another choice. Finally, adopting from Nepal, because of the perfect timing, and because it was one of the options from our agency, we chose Nepal. And as I said earlier, Nepal was a choice we happily, consciously, made. We feel a connection, a love for such a beautiful (both physical and cultural) country. We felt that these choices were leading us to our daughter, To River’s sister, and to one of the most wonderful people we will have ever met.

Now, I’m not saying right now that we made a bad choice. We didn’t. Hopefully, all those choices we have made WILL lead us down that path that I just described. But, because of those choices, we are sooooo invested in this country, and the well-being of the people, the land and the government. And now, unfortunately,  things aren’t going so well.

Here is another blogger’s posting. She explains it well.

So, what now.

Well, nothing is set in stone. No one truly knows the outcome of this current turmoil, and all that is going to come with it. Hopefully, for the people’s sake, it is all settled peacefully. The people of Nepal have been though so much in these past 15 years, I hope and pray that there is only peace in the future. I hope this can be settled, and be settled now.

As for us: we sit, and we wait. This afternoon, I cried. I have been so very hopeful lately about this adoption. I felt that is was going to happen sometime in the next few months. Now, I don’t feel that way. I feel sad. I don’t want to be a pessimist, but things just don’t look up. The poor country is supposedly in turmoil, and I, along with so many other waiting parents, can do nothing to help the people and children who have to experience such hardships every day. We can just sit, and wait.

We chose this. And, although I am struggling so much, I wouldn’t have made a different choice.

So, to finish off this post, I am going to end with a song I was listening to as I was working out today. I was at St. Olaf running around the track, and almost broke down. (I’m glad I wasn’t on the treadmill) After listening to the song about 2-3 times, I came up with the title of this post. You think the 2 might not go together so well, but to me, they go perfectly.

“Supposed To Be”
Maybe it’s up with the stars
Maybe it’s under the sea
Maybe it’s not very far
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be
This is how it’s supposed to be
Maybe it’s trapped in a jar
Something we’ve already seen
Maybe it’s nowhere at all
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be
This is how it’s supposed to be
Looking forward as we rewind
Looking back is a trap sometimes
Being here is so easy to do
If you want to…

-Jack Johnson

So, there has been lots of talk about our adoption lately and very little about the precious little boy who is in my arms everyday. So, I am dedicating this post to my Riv-baby, who is now much more of a Riv-toddler-boy.

*River is very verbal! He always wakes up talking with himself or us. Although he doesn’t have every word figured out, he is really getting there!

*River’s schedule is lining up with ours, which is no fun on the weekends! This, I think, says that he is an adaptable kid. Let’s hope next summer (and the many afterwards) he adapts back to getting up late!

* River LOVES being with friends. He feeds off of his peer’s energy.

*He will repeat anything a “big kid” will do. It’s fun to watch him at the park when older kids come around. He sometimes follows them and does what they do. This can be good and bad!

*He is also unfortunately obsessed with TV. Kyle and I do our best to let him watch no more than one short tv show a day. We are pretty good at that, but many times it ends up in a temper tantrum if he thinks differently. At this point (thanks to tivo) he only watches 4 different shows- Curious George, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer and Thomas the train. It seems to work well. His favorite is usually Thomas, but Dora sometimes ends up on the top. He also adores movies. We usually just try to bring those out on the weekends.

*He seems to be over his ball obsession. Things have transferred to Thomas, but he is even easing up on that a little. I guess he is learning his “balance”.

*River is a king at singing the ABC’s! (the “L,M,N,O,P part needs some work, though) It’s his favorite song to sing. Another fav of his is counting. I love watching someone LOVE to learn! I wish I could transfer some of that excitement to my 8th graders.

*If Riv does throw a little tantrum when it comes to TV- our trick is to go read him a book. He loves books and could read them all day. (or, just make us read them). It’s a good trade off.

*Riv still doesn’t want to play alone. He likes company, a very social boy. Interaction seems to be a key to keeping him happy.

Hmmm… that’s all I can think of for now. I will make sure to put other exciting things in as we experience them. It seems as if he is doing something cute, new and/or fun everyday. I love it.

And to end this post I am going to quote a Laughery/Eckis family favorite movie – “What about Bob?” (Hence the title of this post). Now although I have been very positive about the whole adoption thing in Nepal these past couple of months, I think this is the week that is going to be the most telling. All of the festivals are over, and by the end of last week people were supposedly going back to work. So, since Nepal has around 300 more adoptions to process before the next large batch of dossier’s arrive in the country (new referrals can get sent in Jan. 2010 since the country is only letting 10 dossiers per agency, per year) if there are not more referrals/travel approvals this week I am going to start to get worried again…

So I just need to remember the famous words said by Bill Murray in our favorite movie… “Baby steps, (erin) baby steps…”

I have gone through a couple of old photographs and scanned a few from Nepal. I thought some of you out there might enjoy them, and see a slice of what we hopefully will experience in the near future!

On my trek in Kathmandu Valley

My friend Amy at a Buddhist nun monestary

The monestary, just outside of Kathmandu

The Sherpa's on our trek

Our own Northfield restaurant!