Finding Peace

I know this post is slightly skewed since I am sitting here gazing at the beautiful waves on the northern coast of Maui where I have very few responsibilities other than watching my son delight in this relaxing vacation and getting a tan, but maybe that’s what it takes for me to come to this point.

I know, I’m spoiled.

As I have said in posts previous to this one, adoption was never meant to be easy. Heck, life sure isn’t meant to be easy. Some, of course, have it more difficult than others, and some have it so easy the rest of the world sometimes deems it unfair. All in all though, everyone will have moments when their life is hard. Excruciatingly hard. And although this blog can sometimes be a little whiney, I can’t honestly put myself in the excruciatingly hard category. Not even close.

Adoption is hard. And that’s okay. I think it is good that governments check your background, make sure you are fit to be a parent and can also afford it. (Although I feel like it IS unfair to have the zillions of charges for prospective adoptive parents if you are willing to give up your life as you know it to give a home to a child who needs it, but that’s a different, and much more ranting post to be had in the near future).

Adoption should be hard, and now that it is, why am I so surprised?

I am surprised because I was told differently. I was told that it “might” be an easy and quick ride. (And of course, that’s all that I heard when I began this process.) I also had some friends, some of the very few that I have who have actually adopted, who had an extremely easy time. I knew that it might be hard, but I was really  hoping it would be a little more on the easy side too.

Some of this difficulty (as my husband likes to point out) is my own doing. I mean, we could just sit and wait and enjoy our lives until the moment comes when we get a referral. Instead, I read countless blogs, listen to many emails from my Yahoo groups page and feel like an addict when I can’t get online. I saw one blogging PAP who purposely  cut their internet connection for this very reason. Although our family probably couldn’t do that, it’s not such a bad idea.

So after almost two years of waiting for my daughter, can I really find peace until she comes home? Sure. There are obviously going to be many more ups and downs, but my (sometimes-may-not-seem-that-way-especially-on-this-blog) laid back personality will find plenty of peace, and joy, along with some heart-ache along the way.

And although my mantra (or my tatoo) may sometimes seem like a lie and completely un-doable, I find as I look back at all the events of my life, that “never forget the pleasure of the journey” holds true almost 100% of the time.

So here’s to finding peace on this journey.

a little bit of peace
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