a happy place

I love it here.

This really is a happy place. Even my brother-in-law, Bobby (“Booby” as I like to call him) stated on his F@cebook pictures that this is heaven on earth. He is right.

This has also been a place that has given me sad news (as you all now know). Kyle and I are in the process of working it out, and I am still in the process of mourning, but it will pass, and I am glad to be surrounded by family and boundless activities. Granted, I’ve been more of a lug here than anything, but I’m cool with that, and so is everybody else. Thank goodness.

Still not quite sure how to deal with the loss of Nepal. Many of you might think that it’s a total bummer, and we will move on (and in actuality already sorta have with Rwanda) but it’s hitting me much deeper than I thought it might (more than the $10,000+ that’s now gone). I mean, for 2 years I thought my daughter was going to be from Nepal. For 2 years I have learned about the culture and people and country thinking I would get to teach it to her. I have become a part of organizations that help promote education to rural Nepalese, and am in the process of writing my dissertation on Nepal. I have talked endlessly and thought hard about what hotel would be best to stay at when we go to meet her. I have processed in my head the itinerary of our trip and the sights we need to see with her in our arms. I have thought about how often we will take her back to her birth country and have looked forward to those future trips to Nepal. I have spent weeks if not months of my life these past 2 years dreaming of the moment we would first get to see her face. I have cried at that thought, and I still do.

So, you see, moving on isn’t easy.

But I have to. It is over. Finished. All. done.

There are decent reasons for it closing up, one quick explanation is here, but mostly it has to do with paperwork and cultural differences. A hard one for me to swallow.

So here I am, in my happy place, holed up on the internet, but still having a nice time. Like, really nice time. So ya, this whole loss of Nepal and my dream of a Nepalese daughter is hard to move on from, but thank goodness I am here.

River’s sure having fun as you can see, and minus the crazy news, so am I.

Check out our flickr pictures of camp thus far…

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One thought on “a happy place

  1. I fully understand! Cry, Cry some more and keep going. Don’t give up on Nepal. Keep working with your organization and store all that great cultural stuff in the back of your head. Hopefully in the not so far future you will be able to have those dreams come true. It was April when Sweden officially closed us and I still cry sometimes for that little girl I thought would come.

    I will be praying for your resolve.

    Blessings,
    laurie kjernald

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