Today we had an update meeting for our homestudy with our new case worker from Crossroads. It was great to talk one on one with her (partially because she was a fellow Ole!) but also because earlier this week we had a “Nepal PAP’s” meeting at our agency. It was a tough meeting listening and talking and venting about the whole situation, but it also confirmed where we are going to go from here.
So, let me start with what’s up with Rwanda. There is still nothing happening (no referrals that I know of) but that doesn’t mean it won’t. I truly believe that at some time in the future (be it next summer, or 3 summers from now) Rwanda is going to happen. Our daughter will come home and our family will be together with her a part of it. It is an ethical program, and there is a true need for families in the country. I have faith.
But for now, we are looking towards domestic adoption as well. It is a wonderful program that Crossroads has set up. (They work with around 20 or so agencies around the US – mostly ones that work in states where the birth mother will relinquish her parental rights within the first 48 hours of birth, so our fear of yet another failed adoption would be minimal). There is surely risk here too, but one that is on a different road than that we have been on. Also, we are able to put it on hold for awhile in the case of a Rwandan referral coming though. Both Kyle and I like this option. There are two specific reasons; one~ I had gotten used to the idea of 3. It took a WHILE, but once it was there, I was happy about it, and it is hard to think back down to two. Two~ as a person who teaches about diversity, equality, etc. I know that if I have 2 kids of a different race (or who are adopted/have a shared experience) they can find comfort in each other. They can guide each other on roads I can only try to help them down. Along with Kyle, River and I (and our many family and friends) they will have a sibling partner who can be there for them in different ways. I only hope that with all of us put together, we can make a wonderful, understanding and fulfilling childhood and beyond for all 3 of our kids. Crazy (and wonderful) to think about now… but boy, I better get going on that dissertation, huh? 🙂
So why domestic and not another country? After contemplating and researching this option now for quite some time, I am reminded about how much there is a need in the US for families. Some friends and neighbors are adoptive moms and also foster moms, and they are quite inspiring. Seeing what they are doing is bringing me a little “closer to home” I guess you would say. Plus, I am getting a little tired, and this domestic option is quite different and more flexible than any IA option. That is very refreshing for me.
As for the timing? Since we are open to either gender, and any race it may go quickly- possibly a few months to over a year. We don’t have too much to do to get it going other than create a profile (a sort of marketing tool) and then change a few things in our homestudy (our case worker will do that). After that, the profiles are sent out to those various agencies throughout the country and are given to birth moms who are making the terribly hard decision to give up their child for adoption. So, who knows what will happen with this next step, but we are excited and ready to take this leap.
And for those of you wondering why I don’t just get pregnant again… well, please first refer to the “Why adopt” tab up there on the top right part of this page. But for a quick reminder, it’s because we know that (although I loved being pregnant, and I know we make cute kids- well, at least I think so:) there is a need for families out there who will love their kids even though they are not biologically theirs. There are also a gazillion orphans in this world and we have the ability to bring a few into our home as our kids. It is our dream to adopt, and have that be the make-up of our crazy family~ this is what we want, with all of our body, mind and soul. It is who we want to be.
So, as the saying goes, “when one door closes…”