ripping off the band-aid

After taking yesterday off and just trying to readjust my “paradigm”, I knew that I had to get back to work today to move forward. I thought it would be tough, and boy was I right.

It was a good day for coming back. We had meetings in the morning and shortened classes in the afternoon. This morning I had many staff members come up to me and give me a hug. I am lucky to work in a place where people truly care about each other. It was just weird being on the side of getting hugged. I guess I should be thankful that I am not used to that.

This afternoon was a little more difficult. I knew I had to tell my students about what happened because they knew the whole story, and they also knew that I was supposed to be gone until the holiday’s starting tomorrow. The first class I taught today, well, to say the least I felt bad for them. I started by saying that I wasn’t going to be gone the next few weeks, and that the birthmom decided to keep the baby. Then I lost it. Imagine standing in front of 3o 8th grade students bawling your eyes out. I was so embarrassed.

I quickly told them my story and then tried to get on with the rest of the class {yah, right}. They were such good sports, but I have to say at least 80% of them had the “deer in headlights” look for the rest of the class, and then they bolted out the door. They (understandably) didn’t know what to do with a teacher (like me) crying in front of them. And I have to let you know that I am not typically an overly-emotional teacher either. If anything I just give them crap every day and mess with their minds. They like it, and so do I. But I don’t cry. Ever. This was the first time in my 10+ years teaching where I have stood in front of a class crying.

I hope I never do it again.

The rest of the classes were easier. I teared up, but not a full on cry-fest like my first class of the day. They were all sympathetic, loving, and understanding 13-year-olds. I am so lucky to be the teacher of these knuckleheads. 🙂

So, in my head, ALL day I kept thinking that this was like a band-aid that’s nice and stuck to my body but it’s time to rip the thing off. I knew it was gunna hurt, but if I do it fast then I can move on.

Not too sure about the “moving on” part, but at least this hurdle has been jumped, and tomorrow will be just  a little bit easier.


2 thoughts on “ripping off the band-aid

  1. First of all I would like to say I am so sorry. I worked for many years with birthmoms in Mississippi and know the heartache of both choices. I have seen many birthmothers and many would be adoptive parents grieve and it is very hard. I also know from international experience that it frankly sucks. I truly appreciate your open book policy because I think it will help others going through the same situation. Hang in there, she will come. Until then I will continue to pray for your family. Stick together, stay strong, she will come!


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