I haven’t talked recently about the death of my grandma. It’s hard. Still hard. I guess it’s because she was with me for so long, I just can’t get over it. I need to speak a little from the heart, and in the end you’ll see why.
I am going to do this with a letter to Grams. I just miss her so much.
Dear Grandma Pat,
Do you remember those days when I was little and you would give me yummy food that mom wouldn’t buy? (Like American cheese… oh I so loved breaking it apart so it would last forever…) I would eat it while sitting on grandpa’s lounge chair in front of the TV and you would join me in a cartoon or 2. Cheese and TV with my grandma- didn’t get much better than that.
I remember those times when you would come all the way out to Colorado to spend time with us or even to watch Colin and I while mom and dad would be off somewhere… but even better I will always remember those Christmases and holidays when we were out in Buffalo and enjoyed many a snowed in day together. Looking back, I bet Colin, Brian, Katie and I must have drove you all a little nuts, but I will always remember the joy you seemed to have while watching us all do silly/stupid kid stuff. You always were happy with us around you.
Even when we got a little older and we began to have opinions about politics. Yes, I think we all have differing points of view, and no matter what you would say, we were stubborn enough to hold our ground (founded, or not). The great thing about you though, is even though you knew we were, well, like we are, you had a goofy smile on your face while still trying your darndest to change our minds. I think you are still working on that up there in heaven Grams, just don’t try too hard. 🙂
In recent years my favorite memories of you have been in the Adirondack’s and Hawaii. One of my favorite pastimes was around 4pm on 7th lake before dinner began. I always knew I could head over to the cabin and you would fix me a good drink and some cheese and crackers. We would sit out on the deck, most likely talking about politics, a good book you read (I need to read that Barbara Bush book that you spoke so highly about- even though she was married to George W.) or my kids crazy names. I’ll never forget the time when we told you that we were going to name River, River. You thought we were crazy. Then, very soon after River was born, you recanted and said that it was perfect for him, a little weird, but perfect.
In Hawaii you could spend forever at the condo pool, usually in the shade just reading whatever book you were engrossed in at the time. We would go out at night to fun places, where you would gush about something or other and you were just so excited to be there, it made me even more thankful for the amazing opportunities we get. Your favorite place to go to though was your “heaven on earth” down at the Ritz Carleton beach restaurant where I think you could be for hours if we didn’t rush you back up to the pool or whatever other adventure we had in store for that day. You always liked warm, temperate climates, with an ocean sound in the background. I wish you could have gone there one more time before you died.
I think you are still with us. Actually, I know you are. I think of you often and I feel your presence. I know you are watching out for us… so I’m gunna ask you a favor or 2 (or 3:).
1. Be with Grandpa the best way you can. Give him peace. I know you love him, and he sure loves you, he is sad now, just like we all are.
2. Give Grandpa wisdom. Tell him to go to the Dr when he feels crappy. His scare this morning that sent him back to the ER was too much. He obviously wants to live, and to be with us, but he is stubborn about seeing the Dr. If he would only have gone in last night like I suggested, he would not have been “unresponsive” this morning. I am so thankful for Barb and your amazing (AMAZING) neighbors, because as you know Grams, if no one would have checked up on him, we may have had a different outcome. I am so thankful for him being (seemingly) ok now, but now I am worried. I am worried that next time someone may not be there.
Grandma, I can’t loose Grandpa now. Not now.
3. Finally, Grandma, I ask for peace of mind for all of us. For us all to feel comfortable with our health, our wisdom, and our worries. I know, the worry request is like a joke in this family, but if we got the other two, maybe we would have a little less on the worry front.
But keep Gramps with us for quite awhile longer. We miss you like crazy, but if we lost both of you, the sadness may be too much.
Thanks for watching over us Grandma. I hope, more than anything, that you are at peace. That you found a place where there are no worries, lots of good books, and ‘heaven on earth’ in your backyard. You are missed, but your memories and love still lives within all of us.